Guidance

I've recently begun filling out PhD applications for Second Language Acquisition programs. I´ve been considering a PhD for some time and Whitney has finally gotten on board to the point of even encouraging me to continue on that path, which is wonderful.  She is so supportive.  However, the stress and the amount of work that I am currently doing in my MA program has left little to no time to even complete and prepare these doctoral program applications.  One night a couple weeks ago, I broke down, discouraged from doing anything, domestic or academic.  Whitney postulated the idea that our weekly date nights for the next little while--mind you, date nights have been taken the kids out of the house with us to WalMart, just to be out of the house--could be spent filling out applications together and preparing the necessary documents.  I agreed, since I had since the beginning of my MA program left Friday nights open for family, where no school work would be done.

We've done this for two weeks now.  However, over the course of this last week, my mind has been weighed down under the pressure of school and the ridiculous amount of assignment and projects I'm expected to complete concurrently that I began to doubt the direction I was headed.  Should I even continue with applications?  Should I just find a job right after graduation?  The future has never looked so uncertain and scary to me as it has looked this week.

Whitney, being the angel that she is, organized a time for us to attend the LDS (Mormon) temple, which has been a habit of ours to attend once every month throughout our marriage, yesterday. My mom came over to watch the boys and we ventured to the temple.  Now, there are many things that one could do while in the temple; there are several ordinances that one can perform there.  One might also sit and ponder, read the scriptures or pray.  In the last year, Whitney and I have been so tired when we go to the temple, we have more times than not chosen to perform an ordinance called "Iniciatory" because it takes the least amount of time.  This is what we chose to do last night for the same reason...well, I made Whitney choose.

We had decided that while in the temple we would pray and ponder over the direction we were headed and whether or not we should continue towards a PhD or down a career path.  The ordinance we performed is done individually, thus allowing us to think amongst ourselves and open ourselves to personal revelation and inspiration.  Boy did I receive some messages.  I felt the Holy Spirit wash over me several times, and though I prefer not to include all details, I will include the general message I received.

Because the temple ordinances are performed by proxy for the dead who never received them while alive by those who have already received those ordinances for themselves, an ordinance is repeated several times in a row, each time for a new deceased person.  I repeated this particular ordinance 5 times and each time I received a new message, each that built on the last one, each time feeling the Holy Ghost speak to me.

The message was this: The lord has blessed me with the intellect sufficient to accomplish a PhD.  He trusts me to hear and understand the guidance he gives me and that I should trust myself to make the right decisions.  As long as I remain righteous to his gospel he will guide me and place me at the doors of opportunity where I will have to make hard choices and will be confident enough to make the best ones for me and my family.  As I do so, I will receive the blessing pertaining to those righteous (both temporal and spiritual) choices that I make.

I opened up the Book of Mormon to the very first verse of the translated records, written by the prophet Nephi.  This verse reads, "I was taught somewhat in the learning of my father."  Powerful.  There is a lot of knowledge available to us mortals in this life.  Our Father in heaven knows all of it plus mysteries not yet unfolded unto us.  I need to acquire as much of it as possible.  I read the rest of the verse, "having been highly favored of the Lord in all my days; yea, having had a great knowledge of the goodness and the mysteries of God, therefore I make a record of my proceedings in my days." Uhhh...I couldn't hold back the tears.  I read these words silently, but the voice with which I heard them was not my own.  I felt this was my Savior speaking in his voice to me.  I did not hear it with my ears, but in in my heart and in my mind.  He was describing me.  I've always felt that I have been spared from incredible trials and challenges in my life.  Not to say that I haven't had some doozies, but I have definitely been spared from some worse ones, some I can name specifically.  I also feel like I've always had a testimony in God and in Jesus Christ without some big event causing me to believe.  My spiritual progression has been in small tiny steps throughout my life.  Notice the last line of the verse?  Hence, I am writing my experience down as well.  There needs to be a record of this and other experiences.  I'm not sure why, but I am sure I've been asked to.

As I discussed these promptings with Whitney she confirmed the same feelings and her support.  Thus, I will continue with my applications.  There was one program that I was not going to apply to because they require me to retake the GRE (Graduate Record Examination) again, which costs $200.  it is a prestigious program that presents a very low likelihood of accepting me.  But I'm going to even continue with that application as well.  I'm feeling confident to move forward with faith, excited to see the opportunities that await.

I end with an invitation.  If you are reading this an unfamiliar with the Mormon temples, I encourage you to ask questions from those who now and currently attend.  For those familiar with it, either attend regularly or prepare to attend regularly.  There is knowledge there that cannot be acquired anywhere else.